In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

Wacko Jacko's Backo: She-Man Michael will performing at the O2 Theatre in London (BOOK YOUR TIX NOW!) starting July 9th. The 10-show residency is supposedly Michael's last string of performances (if he pays off all the debtors): Perez Hilton

Funny Man Down: Robin Williams has postponed the remainder of his "Weapons of Self Destruction" Tour to have heart surgery. His reps released a statement saying Williams will have to "undergo surgery for an aortic valve replacement." Hope he's back on his feet again soon!: TMZ

He Likes His Women Like His Chicken: Battered and Fried: Chris Brown has been charged with two felonies by the L.A. County D.A. for giving Rihanna a beatdown: Felony assault and making criminal threats. He is being arraigned today in downtown L.A.: Just Jared

Who's Going to Crash His Wedding?: Vince Vaughn is engaged as of Valentine's Day this year. Aniston's ex proposed to Canadian real-estate agent Kyla Weber with a $125,000, 4-carat diamond: Calgary Herald

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

I'm a million years late on this one, but Megan Fox and the dork from Beverly Hills 90210 have broken up. A million man march will be held in LA to comemorate this blessing from the Heavens to men everywhere -- now they have something they didn't have before: hope. UsMagazine.com

Speaking of hot girls breaking free, Hef's right-hand bed-pan changer Holly Madison has called it quits with human herpes farm Criss Angel. E!

Rosie O'Donnel anounced that she is off the hooch. Who knew roly-poly Rosie had a drinking problem? I just thought she had an eating problem: Perez Hilton

Can't a brother get a break? The "friend" who was riding with Morgan Freeman when his car crashed in Mississippi last year is suing him for "medical expenses, pain and suffering, lost wages, permanent disability (short term memory loss) and additional damages." She must be friends with Heather Mills: TMZ

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

Our Lady of the exquisite chichis has gotten ... Married?: Yes, baby boys everywhere wept when they found out that Salma Hayek, who most recently made headlines for playing wet nurse to a starving baby, had a secret wedding in Paris on Valentine's Day. Civil service ceremony only for the milky Latina and her ex-fiance, billionaire Francois-Henri Pinault, who is the father of Salma's daughter, Valentina. E!

She's just not that into Paris's Sloppies: "Two pseudo-famous people sitting next to each other ... doesn't mean we were bumping uglies." Thank you, Katy Perry, for clearing that up. We wouldn't want Benji Madden's stink rubbing off on your goods: Kitty Purry's Blog

Lil Wayne is sued for pulling a Janet: The Grammy-award winning hip-hop artist blew off his Rochester, N.Y. gig three times after receiving a $100,000 advance from the show's promoter, who's suing Weezy for $1.3MM. Who's making it rain now?: Perez Hilton

What the F?: Facebook sez that they own whatever content you put on their site. Sickos. I've always preferred MySpace: Facebook Blog

She Wants to Bail Out the Milk Companies in China

Lucie J. Kim has decided to file a class-action lawsuit on behalf of the people of Los Angeles county who have slanted eyes and were offended by a recent picture that Miley Cyrus. In case you live under a rock, here it is:

Lucie claims to represent one million Asians in LA who each want $4,000 (the minimum for a civil rights violation) to ease the pain of seeing Miley do her best Kung-Fu actor impression. Or something like that.

This picture actually seems to be a conglomeration of civil-rights violations: Miley and her buddy on the far left seem to be making China eyes, another person is doing the sleepy confused face, the girl is doing the "Can't poop" face, another seems to be doing the "one in the pink, one in the stink face" and one guy is obviously making fun of stoners. So I think someone needs to rep not only Asians, but constipated people, sexual deviants and weed smokers.

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

Candyland: It's ON. The movie, that is. The guy who penned "Tropic Thunder" will be delivering a delicious film adapted from the tastiest board game ever: Variety

There really will be a SATC 2, I wasn't just putting SJP up next to the Cowardly Lion for nuthin': E!

Etta James is pissed at Beyonce for singing HER song at the inauguration. Will Sasha Fierce's robot hand save her from the ORIGINAL diva?: Bossip

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

Michelle Obama ... P-P-P-PREGNANT? Explains that "fluffy" inaug outfit: Perez Hilton

Lisa Rinna's BEGGING to be hired on the new Melrose Place. Apparently, she can no longer afford to maintain her lip injections, so she may be forced to smoosh the goo in her boobies up to her mouth. It's called recycling, people: E! Online

Kim Kardashian thinks Jessica Simpson looks great in her chili outfit. They should have a tray of enchiladas together to celebrate how hot they both are: People.com

Dakota Fanning is a Vampire

... or rather, she'll be playing one in the next cinematic installment of the Twilight series: TheInsider.com


Ugly Betty is on hold; Samantha Who? will be taking her spot. Apparently, we prefer people we don't know over ugly girls: Entertainment Weekly


Jessica Simpson performed at a chili cookoff in Florida this weekend; did she get there early and eat all the entries?: TMZ

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

Lil' Kim sounds off on how she's portrayed in Notorious, and she's not happy:

"I wasn’t even able to choose who I wanted to portray me in this movie. I would
have never picked Naturi, she doesn’t have a Lil Kim aura at all! She looks
nothing like I looked back then. We have NO similarities. Watching her on-screen
was so “dreadful” as Simon Cowell would say....The world will see the Lil Kim
story, THE REAL ME! Not some made up bullshit portrayed by a talentless has-been back up singer.”

Frankly, I don't think even Lil' Kim has seen the "real" Lil' Kim since her plastic surgeon went to work: Bossip

Some A-hole is trying to extort $25MM from the Travoltas by threatening to publish photos taken of Jett as he lay dying in the ambulance that took him to the hospital: TMZ.com

Lisa Rinna and her fake plastic parts were all a-quiver when she was trying to interview Brangelina, but E!'s Giuliana Rancic is obviously a pro at interviewing them (except for all the leading questions): PopSugar

And did anyone see Katie Holmes's lopsided nips when she was presenting on the SAG Awards? GOOOSECHIIIILS!: Just Jared

HORRORS: A monster truck rally promotor is run over -- at the monster truck rally he was promoting: KOMO News.com

In Case You Didn't Already Know ...

Kelly Osbourne has been arrested for assault: Life & Style

Julia Roberts does show emotion off the silver screen, but it's directed at the paparazzi (for whom emotion should be muted, if conveyed at all): What Would Tyler Durden Do

One of the skanks on the Rock of Love Bus busted her saline boob sack while playing hockey: Dlisted

People don't like U2's new single: Perez Hilton, boston.com

Please tell me that's a booger, Lindsay: