Technical School's Not Looking So Bad Anymore

Here, one of NYU's journalism grad students enjoys the spoils of his labor from working full-time at a "competitively" compensated position he landed several years after graduation.

I was one of Tim Harper's reporting classes my second semester at NYU, and a girl and her mother came in to observe the class. The girl was trying to decide on whether she should come to the graduate journalism program at NYU or Boston University. I'm sure she was a very bright young lady with great potential, which is why -- when asked by the professor to talk to her about NYU -- I told her this: 

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T GET A MASTER'S IN JOURNALISM. GET ANY OTHER GRADUATE DEGREE! I'VE RUINED MY FINANCES, CREDIT AND LIFE WITH THIS FUCKING GIG RIGHT HERE. RUN! RUN AWAY, AND NEVER LOOK BACK UNTIL YOU HAVE AN MBA, OR A J.D., OR SOMETHING LIKE IT."

I don't know if she took my advice. But if she didn't, she can line up for one of the jobs below. These are actual postings on ed2010, which is a journalism web site, ICYDK. 

Exhibit A:

xxxx Magazine is looking for celebrity writers for the site re-launch.

Candidates must have:
- Experience interviewing celebrities
- An INTENSE obsession with POP culture both nationally and
internationally.
- At least 1-3 yrs writing experience for a publication and/or blog.
- Experience with Wordpress

PLEASE NOTE: THE POSITION IS UNPAID.

Oh goody! After having THREE YEARS of writing experience, I might be able to get an UNPAID POSITION. 

Exhibit B:

Contributors wanted for forthcoming drinking guidebook called
xxxxx.

This is your chance to support your favorite local bar/lounge/coffee shop/teahouse/other type of drinkery (especially those small, family-owned businesses that appreciate the attention—they can’t afford an advertising budget) and let the world know why drinking and dining in LA is so great. Foodies of all occupations and day jobs are encouraged to apply.

...

* Please note that there is no pay for this gig. You will get a byline and bio in the book and on the site, free copies of the book (which is available in all major bookstores), and an invitation to our launch party, as well as opportunities for regular paying food writing gigs down the road.*

A byline and a bio? Free copies of the book? An invitation to your launch party? It's a good thing they offer all this great stuff, because when the landlord comes knocking, you can politely inform him that you've been generously compensated with free copies of a drinking guidebook (which includes your name and a short bio!), and you'll be happy to pay him this month's rent with THAT.  

Exhibit C:

xxxx.com is a new social lifestyle guide to the Hamptons. We’ll have you covered on nightlife, food & wine, events, style, and more. The site is in beta and planning a launch on Memorial Day Weekend. We are seeking an Online Director to manage and grow it for summer 2009.

Compensation: Summer room in beautiful Southampton home (value $10,000), senior title in growing online media business, fun editor perks

Start immediately to 9/15/09

Duties:
Help develop editorial voice of xxxx.com
Develop content contributor network
Blogging + message board seeding
Help produce video content/interactive features
Marketing & Promotion
Sponsorship Development & Outreach

Reqs:
2+ yrs of media/web/marketing experience
Passion for lifestyle writing, avid interest in the Hamptons
Familiarity with basic web tools such as HTML and/or CMS platforms
Marketing/sales experience a plus

Another job where they want years of experience (and passion! must always have passion!), but the comp is basically nil. I like this one, though, because they give you that illusion of compensation -- a room, which, apparently, is worth $10,000. How do you think they came up with that figure? And how do they expect you to pay for things like food, deodorant, toothpaste, etc? And what kind of room are we talking about here? Is it furnished with a Hastens bed and Baker furniture? Is it a blow-up mattress on the floor? Who lives in the house? A hoard of will-work-for-food interns on break from NYU? Is that what they mean by "fun editor perks"?

What's That? You Need to Get Rid of a Dead Body?

Next time you're wondering how you can get rid of some unwanted items in short order I bid you to take this advice:

Ship it with Federal Express. It helps if you are shipping it to an aparment complex or a house on a busy street.

I shipped my luggage from NYC to LA (3 bags, including an over-sized Louis Vuitton overnight tote), and the delivery man left my stuff on the front doorstep, outside, in a common area, where it was -- can you guess by now? Surely you can.

Stolen.

The contents, aside from various material goods that were expensive but mostly replaceable, included every notebook I kept from my final semester in grad school.

Hold on ----I'm gonna cry ----- okay, I'm better. But trust me, there's a lot of Dewars in my life right now. More than usual. Especially late at night.

So my worldy possessions from my time in New York are gone, courtesy of Fed Ex. Apparently, this happens a lot. [Google "Fed Ex stolen packages" and you'll see what I mean, but only do it if you want to be depressed.]

Anywhoodle, if you're moving or doing spring cleaning and discover that you no longer need a wide variety of household items, just pack 'em up and ship 'em with Fed Ex. Your stuff will be disposed of, and if it's stolen, you don't have to pay for shipment. It's like having the junk yard come and pick your junk up for you. Voila, and you're welcome.

Things to Do When You're Feeling a Bit Too Precious

1) Ship your expensive fall wardrobe (including fall section of exquisite shoe collection including YSL and Louboutin) to your new house, then get someone to steal all of it.

2) Get someone to scratch your new car.

3) Eat an entire box of crappy choco-chip cookies, then cry about your new-found spare tire.

4) Wallow in self-pity online so everyone knows how pathetic you are.

5) Repeat.

In Case You Were Wondering ...

Creed may be reuniting, a certain someone on a certain popular episodic still breastfeeds her two-year-old son, Andre Leon Talley doesn't like being interviewed -- in fact, he'll sneak quietly past the red carpet all together -- and I still don't know exactly where I'm living come January 1. Somewhere in America, I can be sure of that much.

Suggestions?

It's Official...I'm Homeless

The angry old lady I live with has given me a week to move out. Her breaking points?

- I didn't use both hands to shut the door when I was leaving for lunch today OR when I went out yesterday evening. This caused the door to shut more loudly than she likes.

- She said I was "stinking up" her apartment with my perfume, which I never used for this very reason.

She called me while I was having lunch to yell -- YELL -- at me over this stuff. The convo kind of went like this:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Phone rings, I see it's Erica.]

Me: Oh, great. [answers] Hello?

Erica: Yeah, hi, Sarah. I have asked you to use two hands to close the door and you're not doing it. You shut the door loudly last night, too, when you went out.

Me: No I didn't. I did it quietly.

Erica: [getting agitated] You didn't use two hands, you did it loudly last night, not when you came in, but when you left to go out.

Me: No, I shut the door quietly [knowing that it was actually too loud for her].

Erica: -- and you used your perfume the other night -- now this is how it's going to be --

Me: I never used perfume.

Erica: Well, I'm not going to argue with you --

Me: [cheerfully] Good! :) [hangs up]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I called her back, of course, because I felt a little guilty and knew that this wasn't going away.

Me: Erica?

Erica: Yeah, hi Sarah. I can't have you stinking up my apartment with your perfume, I told you this at the interview.

Me: Erica, I never used --

Erica: Just be out by the end of the month.
-------------------------------------------
Ok.

So, with about two weeks left in this semester, I'm looking for a place to stick myself and my stuff. I wish it was warmer outside!

I Must Apologize...

Apparently, I've been brainwashed by Us Weekly.

One of my former editors at the L.A. City Beat, Ron Garmon, informed me that he would rather have Thanksgiving dinner with a leper than anyone on my poll.

Some people don't want to have dinner with uber-celebs -- I get it, I knew it before, and I'm sorry I didn't think of that before I posted the poll.

So, in response to people (who are actually like me in not wanting to spy on celebs all the time), I will post a new poll about the poll I just posted.

I know ... I really need to get back to work.

I'm a Basketcase

I thought my rental car got stolen last weekend. I called the cops; we "canvassed the neighborhood," searching for a red Toyota Highlander in vain for almost an hour. I went to the precinct and filled out Grand Larceny - Auto paperwork. The cops berated me for not having a New York driver's license. They took me to Avis, where I had to wait in the back of their car while they talked to the manager. I cried. A lot, I guess. I'm a weenie.

The car was parked across the street from my building, about 20 feet from my bedroom window. Two parking tickets.