Technical School's Not Looking So Bad Anymore

Here, one of NYU's journalism grad students enjoys the spoils of his labor from working full-time at a "competitively" compensated position he landed several years after graduation.

I was one of Tim Harper's reporting classes my second semester at NYU, and a girl and her mother came in to observe the class. The girl was trying to decide on whether she should come to the graduate journalism program at NYU or Boston University. I'm sure she was a very bright young lady with great potential, which is why -- when asked by the professor to talk to her about NYU -- I told her this: 

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T GET A MASTER'S IN JOURNALISM. GET ANY OTHER GRADUATE DEGREE! I'VE RUINED MY FINANCES, CREDIT AND LIFE WITH THIS FUCKING GIG RIGHT HERE. RUN! RUN AWAY, AND NEVER LOOK BACK UNTIL YOU HAVE AN MBA, OR A J.D., OR SOMETHING LIKE IT."

I don't know if she took my advice. But if she didn't, she can line up for one of the jobs below. These are actual postings on ed2010, which is a journalism web site, ICYDK. 

Exhibit A:

xxxx Magazine is looking for celebrity writers for the site re-launch.

Candidates must have:
- Experience interviewing celebrities
- An INTENSE obsession with POP culture both nationally and
internationally.
- At least 1-3 yrs writing experience for a publication and/or blog.
- Experience with Wordpress

PLEASE NOTE: THE POSITION IS UNPAID.

Oh goody! After having THREE YEARS of writing experience, I might be able to get an UNPAID POSITION. 

Exhibit B:

Contributors wanted for forthcoming drinking guidebook called
xxxxx.

This is your chance to support your favorite local bar/lounge/coffee shop/teahouse/other type of drinkery (especially those small, family-owned businesses that appreciate the attention—they can’t afford an advertising budget) and let the world know why drinking and dining in LA is so great. Foodies of all occupations and day jobs are encouraged to apply.

...

* Please note that there is no pay for this gig. You will get a byline and bio in the book and on the site, free copies of the book (which is available in all major bookstores), and an invitation to our launch party, as well as opportunities for regular paying food writing gigs down the road.*

A byline and a bio? Free copies of the book? An invitation to your launch party? It's a good thing they offer all this great stuff, because when the landlord comes knocking, you can politely inform him that you've been generously compensated with free copies of a drinking guidebook (which includes your name and a short bio!), and you'll be happy to pay him this month's rent with THAT.  

Exhibit C:

xxxx.com is a new social lifestyle guide to the Hamptons. We’ll have you covered on nightlife, food & wine, events, style, and more. The site is in beta and planning a launch on Memorial Day Weekend. We are seeking an Online Director to manage and grow it for summer 2009.

Compensation: Summer room in beautiful Southampton home (value $10,000), senior title in growing online media business, fun editor perks

Start immediately to 9/15/09

Duties:
Help develop editorial voice of xxxx.com
Develop content contributor network
Blogging + message board seeding
Help produce video content/interactive features
Marketing & Promotion
Sponsorship Development & Outreach

Reqs:
2+ yrs of media/web/marketing experience
Passion for lifestyle writing, avid interest in the Hamptons
Familiarity with basic web tools such as HTML and/or CMS platforms
Marketing/sales experience a plus

Another job where they want years of experience (and passion! must always have passion!), but the comp is basically nil. I like this one, though, because they give you that illusion of compensation -- a room, which, apparently, is worth $10,000. How do you think they came up with that figure? And how do they expect you to pay for things like food, deodorant, toothpaste, etc? And what kind of room are we talking about here? Is it furnished with a Hastens bed and Baker furniture? Is it a blow-up mattress on the floor? Who lives in the house? A hoard of will-work-for-food interns on break from NYU? Is that what they mean by "fun editor perks"?

Having a Crazy Moment

What. The. Eff. Nadya Suleman, can we chat?

You think you'll be able to support your 14 babies after you finish your "schooling." Assuming that you'll be able to go back to school in the fall, as you plan to do, and finish your master's degree, which would be difficult for ANY mom with multiple kids and no dad, you think a master's in counseling will get you a job that pays enough to feed, clothe and shelter 15 mouths? Oh, and I thougtht this was funny -- the school you're supposedly going to attend has a day-care center.

Imagine you're anyone but Nadya Suleman -- and you want to take your kid (maybe even two -- hey, it happens) to that same day care. When you get there, 14 kids from a single mom are already hogging all the day care space. Frankly, I'd be pissed. And this is a lady who keeps talking about how selfish she isn't.

Lady, I got news for you! You are selfish, and crazy to boot. Just ask your mom, who is stuck with all those kids, and your dad, who had to go to work as a contractor in Iraq to support your retarded decisions. Way to go!

And by the way, since when did an unselfish person who just gave birth a thousand times go get lip injections for her interview on the Today show?

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Nadya Suleman, I don't know you, but if I met you, I might want to punch you in your fat, surgically enhanced mouth.

Someone Please Show This Woman to the Condom Aisle

I recently found out that the lady who had the second set of living octuplets in history already has six kids. That's something you probably heard, too.

But this was something I didn't know: This lady is only 33, and of the foregoing kids, there is already one set of twins. The woman's mom said that this baby-making machine had eight embryos implanted last year. There's been suspiciously little talk of any father. She filed for bankruptcy less than two years ago, and is living with her mother.

Lady, it's called respect for human life! Call me a callous bia, but I think that having that many kids growing up in a house where you can't even support them (or yourself) financially is cruel. And weird. Very, very weird. Not to mention the level of sibling rivalry that these kids will have to endure. How many bathrooms do you think this house has, anyway? These kids are going to be surviving on Hot Pockets and Ramen. And not the good Ramen. The kind they schlep for sale at ghetto tiendas that smell like dead meat.

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this lady can probably hula-hoop with her vag now.

In Case You Were Wondering ...

Creed may be reuniting, a certain someone on a certain popular episodic still breastfeeds her two-year-old son, Andre Leon Talley doesn't like being interviewed -- in fact, he'll sneak quietly past the red carpet all together -- and I still don't know exactly where I'm living come January 1. Somewhere in America, I can be sure of that much.

Suggestions?

Need Internet, Will Try Anything

Click on the button to hear my attempt to plug the ethernet cord that stretches into my room from the living room into my "roommate's" modem. [This will redirect you to the site where I'm hosting the file.]

Some background: I covered the red carpet at the International Emmy Awards last night, and needed to e-mail my event file to my boss at Us Weekly -- so I needed an internet connection. I noticed the ethernet cord in the room I'm renting from the lady I live with, but I found that, after follwing it along doorways and baseboards, that it was not plugged into the modem.

Since it was raining and the coffeeshop I ususally go to for internet access was already closed, I thought I would ask my roommate to let me plug HER cord into HER modem so I could plug it into my computer, knowing that she might flip out. But hey, she's already kicking me out, so what have I got to lose? I started recording our "conversation" after about three minutes.

This isn't on the recording, but the police came -- 3 of them -- and she shut the door in their faces when they showed up. Then they threatened to break the door down, and she let them in. They listened to her rant about how I have no right to use her stuff, then they took our information and left. The end.

I had to go to Noah Taylor's house to use the internet. Thanks, Noah!

It's Official...I'm Homeless

The angry old lady I live with has given me a week to move out. Her breaking points?

- I didn't use both hands to shut the door when I was leaving for lunch today OR when I went out yesterday evening. This caused the door to shut more loudly than she likes.

- She said I was "stinking up" her apartment with my perfume, which I never used for this very reason.

She called me while I was having lunch to yell -- YELL -- at me over this stuff. The convo kind of went like this:
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
[Phone rings, I see it's Erica.]

Me: Oh, great. [answers] Hello?

Erica: Yeah, hi, Sarah. I have asked you to use two hands to close the door and you're not doing it. You shut the door loudly last night, too, when you went out.

Me: No I didn't. I did it quietly.

Erica: [getting agitated] You didn't use two hands, you did it loudly last night, not when you came in, but when you left to go out.

Me: No, I shut the door quietly [knowing that it was actually too loud for her].

Erica: -- and you used your perfume the other night -- now this is how it's going to be --

Me: I never used perfume.

Erica: Well, I'm not going to argue with you --

Me: [cheerfully] Good! :) [hangs up]

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I called her back, of course, because I felt a little guilty and knew that this wasn't going away.

Me: Erica?

Erica: Yeah, hi Sarah. I can't have you stinking up my apartment with your perfume, I told you this at the interview.

Me: Erica, I never used --

Erica: Just be out by the end of the month.
-------------------------------------------
Ok.

So, with about two weeks left in this semester, I'm looking for a place to stick myself and my stuff. I wish it was warmer outside!

What's the Problem?

Jennifer Hudson's mom and brother were killed at her mother's Chicago home this weekend, and her 9-year-old nephew may have been killed as well. Even the rich and famous aren't immune to the maniacal actions of violent half-breeds and psychos.

In the spot usually occupied by a homeless person at the 25th Street entrance for the uptown E train, I saw something that made me scared: His possessions were still in that spot, but spreading around them on the dirty asphalt, and being partially absorbed by a bed sheet, was a large pool of blood. I mean, I'm a menstruating female; I know what blood looks like on a bed sheet, so trust me on this.

What is the world coming to?

In other news, John McCain's brother Joe called 911 to complain about the traffic. Twice.
.
Don't forget to vote!!!

How's Your News Video

This is a video from How's Your News, a project that allowed Matt Parker and Trey Stone to round up some mentally retarded people who wanted to be journalists.