Having a Crazy Moment

What. The. Eff. Nadya Suleman, can we chat?

You think you'll be able to support your 14 babies after you finish your "schooling." Assuming that you'll be able to go back to school in the fall, as you plan to do, and finish your master's degree, which would be difficult for ANY mom with multiple kids and no dad, you think a master's in counseling will get you a job that pays enough to feed, clothe and shelter 15 mouths? Oh, and I thougtht this was funny -- the school you're supposedly going to attend has a day-care center.

Imagine you're anyone but Nadya Suleman -- and you want to take your kid (maybe even two -- hey, it happens) to that same day care. When you get there, 14 kids from a single mom are already hogging all the day care space. Frankly, I'd be pissed. And this is a lady who keeps talking about how selfish she isn't.

Lady, I got news for you! You are selfish, and crazy to boot. Just ask your mom, who is stuck with all those kids, and your dad, who had to go to work as a contractor in Iraq to support your retarded decisions. Way to go!

And by the way, since when did an unselfish person who just gave birth a thousand times go get lip injections for her interview on the Today show?

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Nadya Suleman, I don't know you, but if I met you, I might want to punch you in your fat, surgically enhanced mouth.

Someone Please Show This Woman to the Condom Aisle

I recently found out that the lady who had the second set of living octuplets in history already has six kids. That's something you probably heard, too.

But this was something I didn't know: This lady is only 33, and of the foregoing kids, there is already one set of twins. The woman's mom said that this baby-making machine had eight embryos implanted last year. There's been suspiciously little talk of any father. She filed for bankruptcy less than two years ago, and is living with her mother.

Lady, it's called respect for human life! Call me a callous bia, but I think that having that many kids growing up in a house where you can't even support them (or yourself) financially is cruel. And weird. Very, very weird. Not to mention the level of sibling rivalry that these kids will have to endure. How many bathrooms do you think this house has, anyway? These kids are going to be surviving on Hot Pockets and Ramen. And not the good Ramen. The kind they schlep for sale at ghetto tiendas that smell like dead meat.

I'm going to take a wild guess and say that this lady can probably hula-hoop with her vag now.

Chinese Milk Does NOT Do a Body Good, Especially If You're the One Selling It / Carry Mace If You Go to Virginia Tech

A couple of Chinese dairy execs have been sentenced to DEATH as the result of a food safety scandal that left at least six children dead.

Dairy execs spiked their milk with the chemical melamine to make the protein count appear higher, but it caused kidney stones in children.

Also, some think that the scandal was covered up until after the Beijing Olympics were over.

Gosh, China! There's so much craziness here, I don't know where to start -- the milk-spiking, scandal-hiding, babies-with-kidney-stones, executive-killing madness has paralyzed me.

In other news, a Chinese PhD student DECAPITATED another Chinese student at an Au Bon Pain at Virginia Tech Wednesday.

You might remember that Virginia Tech is also where a Korean student shot 32 of his classmates and teachers before killing himself in April 2007.

Note to self: Don't take classes at Virginia Tech or anger any of the Asians who are enrolled there.

Geniusness

Here's an excerpt from an evaluation someone left out at the NYU school of journalism, or the "Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute." We're churning out some goodies over here.

Q: What subject would you have liked the instructor to spend more time on? Less time on?

A: diversity focused more on problems facing america, and to expand diversity beyond race.

Q: What other advice do you have for the instructor?

A: Forget trying to get conservatives to come talk to the class. It's nice to try to be objective but it would be more productive if we could put recources into getting more intelligent people than Gordan Liddy.

Q: Please use this space for any additional comments:

A: I was told this was one of the more miserable courses at nyu but i really feel that the proffesor contributed to the fun envirnment that mad the work load tolerable

Apparently, spelling is not taught at the Arthur L. Carter Journalism Institute, nor is grammar, punctuation, or how to string together a coherent sentence.

Prospective students to the "Institute," I suggest you save your money.

Oh, Middle America, You Don't Hold Anything Back...

...but maybe you should. SMH.

Compliments of Liz.

Violent, Angry, Immoral, Irrational Sneezing.

I live on kind of a loud street -- incessant honking by anyone and everyone for any reason at all, babies crying outside the church across the street during mass, and homeless men giving soliloquies on the injustices of society. I can almost sympathize with some of this stuff.

Ok, not really. Stop honking. Shut your kids up. Get a house. Please.

But lately I'm troulbed by something more contagious -- criminally loud sneezing.

RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-CHEEEUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

RAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH-CHEEEUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

JE-sus, people, is it really necessary to explode your germs the length of a city block? I'm not really a germaphobe, but I'm tempted to don a SARS mask in my fourth-floor apartment.

Please exercise a little sneezing restraint. Thank you.