I Could Have Saved a Girl, but I'm a Bum

I was walking to the grocery store this evening when I saw something perplexing: a pretty, well-dressed lady chatting happily with a guy as they strode across 69th Street down Broadway -- but she wasn't wearing any shoes. No socks -- nothing. Bare feet. On Broadway.

I resisted the urge to shake her maniacally by the shoulders, shouting "HEPATITIS, HEPATITIS!!!! HERE'RE SOME FLIP FLOPS -- SAVE YOURSELF!"

Today my boss called me a lazy bum, which may be true. It is in the morning. If anyone wants to take my place, let me know.

Today I Found Out that I'm Mean

Today I was able to go back to work, which was a blessing and a curse. My boss accused me of being mean -- which I may be some times, but not to her. Well, not to her face.

She was frustrated that I didn't put client contacts in a follow-up file (which are sometimes just parts of names and half a phone number scrawled on a take-out menu). "You wouldn't be that mean ... you just couldn't be that mean," she kept droning as she shuffled through the mountain of random paper on the desk we share.

I finally produced what she was looking for, and she made three different folders to put the stuff in: Follow up A, Follow up A++ and Follow up B. The best filing system ever invented.

Ass Magazines and I'm a Friggin' Chef

If you've been checking out the newstands lately, you may have noticed (as I have) an unusally high number of magazines that focus on female backsides. As Is Assests is particularly appealing this month, and I was hoping to link it here when I came across something infinitely more interesting --

The subscription is kind of expensive, but I think it would make a great office gift for my boss.

I hope everyone had a great Easter. Check out the cookies I made -- I'm a freaking chef!

Newflash, and I Need New Socks.

Governor Spitzer announced today that he has employed the service of a ..er, woman of the night. Like it's a new thing for politicians to get a hooker every now and then. Reality check, people. At least it wasn't with a man.

My boss made me wear her shoes all day today. I wish my socks had matched.

Crappy Boss, Broke Student, Part I

Today my boss actually hit me. With her little old fist. Can you believe it? A 65-year-old woman! Then she took five steps back and continued to yell at me through clenched teeth, like she needed to put physical space between us or she would be forced to pummel me with those little bird-like fists. And it was all because I had moved the cursor on an e-mail she was dictating -- lesson learned. Leave that shit alone.

Fortunately for her, I can't think of anywhere else that would pay me $15 an hour tax-free for hours as flexible as the ones I work. Also, I've been in this situation before. Except it was a Croatian lady, and I worked in the kitchen at her restaurant.