1) Ship your expensive fall wardrobe (including fall section of exquisite shoe collection including YSL and Louboutin) to your new house, then get someone to steal all of it.
2) Get someone to scratch your new car.
3) Eat an entire box of crappy choco-chip cookies, then cry about your new-found spare tire.
4) Wallow in self-pity online so everyone knows how pathetic you are.
5) Repeat.
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Go ahead. Make my day.