How to Keep Things In Perspective

Jesus Take the Wheel: God came down and told the woman with the world's longest fingernails to get a life. Of course, this happened in Utah, the only state where God is still able to do this kind of thing. (Thanks, Mormons!)

Lee Redmond, who was blessed by the Guiness Book of World Records as the posessor of the world's longest fingernails, was involved in a car accident Thursday. Sadly, her fingernails are no more.

Or rather, they're back to their normal length. She hasn't cut them since 1979.

Redmond celebrated (mourned?) by wiping her own butt.

My New Favorite Work of Art by Wilhelm Staehle

I don't like kids.

For the Grandma Who Likes to Go Commando

Grannies, ready your fannies, your glitter and your glue guns.

Paris Hilton debuted her scrapbooking kit at the Craft & Hobby Association 2009 Winter Convention & Trade Show.

Splash News.com won't let me use their photos, so you'll have to visit the link if you want to see the shiz.

BTW, why is no one talking about her obvious breast enhancement?

Things to Do When You're Feeling a Bit Too Precious

1) Ship your expensive fall wardrobe (including fall section of exquisite shoe collection including YSL and Louboutin) to your new house, then get someone to steal all of it.

2) Get someone to scratch your new car.

3) Eat an entire box of crappy choco-chip cookies, then cry about your new-found spare tire.

4) Wallow in self-pity online so everyone knows how pathetic you are.

5) Repeat.

Watch Out

Theft is rampant now that the economy is in the crapper. Just look at this:

Things You Don't Usually Think About ...

... are on totallylookslike.com. For example:




Katy Perry totally looks like Zooey Deschanel.

And:


Javier Bardem totally looks like Jeffrey Dean Morgan, much to my pleasant surprise. The more Bardem, the better.

And:


Slovenia totally looks like a running chicken.

Discuss.

In Case You Were Wondering ...

Creed may be reuniting, a certain someone on a certain popular episodic still breastfeeds her two-year-old son, Andre Leon Talley doesn't like being interviewed -- in fact, he'll sneak quietly past the red carpet all together -- and I still don't know exactly where I'm living come January 1. Somewhere in America, I can be sure of that much.

Suggestions?

Spaghetti Cat

This is sort of a LOL Cat/Music Video of the Week Combo, and I can't stop laughing when I watch these two vids:


And then, someone made a music video for it, because we need this to pop up everywhere for no reason at all. It's called, Spaghetti Cat (I Weep for You):

Oh, By the Way...

The previously mentioned class is supposed to focus on reporting on the safety and evacuation procedures for high-rise buildings in case of emergency.

I'm going to Balthazar.