If You Have a Gazillion Dollars, and You Want to Crush That Slow-Moving Hummer on the Freeway ...

You can get one of these:

We saw one riding up to the Grammys when we were on a wild goose chase for the artist entrance to the red carpet (don't worry; we found it).

Basically, it's a giant gas-guzziling street-legal monstrosity for those who care more about smashing things than about the saving the environment. It can be yours for the bailout-worthy price of $310,000 (base model, no bells and whistles; luxury upgrades are available).

Rappers, government security types and dictators of small Eastern-European countries can find out more information here.

The Barf Bag, Please ...

Tonight I was standing in a sweaty, at-capacity bar talking to complete strangers and generally feeling like a complete fool when I was greeted by a man in black-rimmed glasses and a newsboy hat. He was sweating.

So we started chatting (on account of my need for quotes -- school is cool) ... and this guy was a bit of a spitter. And I had already had a shower that morning. And the proximity of him to me was making the whole experience kind of bad.

Then he did the queerest thing ... actually it was just disgusting -- he lifts the brim of his hat slightly with his left hand and then swiped the first two fingers of his right hand across his forehead before replacing his hat.

Then. He licked. His fingers. :-o

And he was looking right at me and talking the whole time, except for the few seconds he took to lick his grubby fingers as if he was relishing the taste.

I was trying to exit as soon as humanly possible so that I didn't have to see some other weird atrocity. As I was leaving, he grabbed my hand and shook it gleefully.

So that's it. I think I'm going to go puke now.

Goodnight everyone! Hope your Tuesday was effing Super!