Universal City Walk = Crap

Ok, so sometimes I DO like touristy stuff: I'll try to look at celebrities if they walk past The Ivy while I'm having lunch (but I won't get outta my seat to do it); I'll go to the latest restaurant opening in Century City (but I'll say that they're trying to hard and it's not very good); I'll go to the Santa Monica pier and watch the "magicians" perform (but I won't be able to wipe the smirk off my face). I'm an angsty tourist.

BUT, when it comes to places like Disneyland, pleeeeaaasse spare me the torture. I had to go to the Universal City Walk last night and I was in physical pain over the level of cheesy tourism there. (physical pain = frowning so hard I couldn't breathe from the neon and amateur live bands set up around every corner)

These places are all the same: every restaurant is a Chili's, except with a different theme (Hey! It's a brewery! Hey, it's a shrine to rock-n-roll! Hey, it's an underwater sea adventure where you can eat fried cheese!) Incidentally, you can eat fried cheese til your heart's content at any of these "restaurants." They all serve the same shit. And it all gives you cancer/heart disease/diarrhea/low self-esteem.

You can buy your way out of any food-related funk with tons of shit no one every really needs at the dozens of stores lining this mini-city, though. Those trendy rubber shoes with holes in them? Check. T-shirts with logo of trendy, holey rubber shoes? Check. Foam hats that cost $30 that will make you appear retarded? Check. Check. Check.

And then, just to make sure you never forget the glee, there's some bored art student in front of every other kiosk who will create a poorly drawn picture of you in all this crap, looking overweight from eating the other crap -- while I look on with smirking disdain.

Hope everyone's enjoying their summer vacations!