Here's an e-mail from a guy who I now find insufferable.
I met him at a Houston bar and exchanged e-mail addresses with him. I let him know that I probably wouldn't be interested in dating him after his first e-mail. I won't tell you who he is, but one day, he might be an elected official in Texas.
I know, I'm a shit. [My comments in red brackets, and edited down for the sake of brevity.]
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Sarah, .... A couple of things in response to your e-mail. .... I would guess you do not meet many gentlemen who offer effusive compliments without expecting "something" in return. [actually... I do] Fair enough. So, I'll forgive you --- this time. [Phew, I was worried.]
Here's the deal... You are an enchanting woman. .... So my motive is very simple. I like you. And if I am not mistaken, I did not get the feeling you thought I was a jerk. [Me being polite does not equal me not thinking you're a jerk.]
Moreover ... I plan on seeking elected office in Texas and am working towards that .... [Please, please ...]
...In short, (I know, too late) [Yes] I'd love to be pen pals (you may need to look that up on Wikipedia), [Really? Do I even need to say anything here?] and share some time and thoughts via the written word we both love.
.... Well, back to fighing the forces of evil -- Big Pharma!!! And yes, I sometimes wear a cape to work; no tights -- though I do have dynamite legs! [Please do not share your cross-dressing fantasies with me; I really don't know you that well.] Not like yours, of course, but dynamite for a guy. And you can fully expect the e-mail compliments to continue. :) [And I realize that won't be happening now, but believe me, it's a relief]
Well, I hope to hear from you soon. [Please don't hold your breath --- On second thought ...]
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You're not a shit, but this guy sure is. "Insufferable" is too kind a word. We, your avid readers, may not ever know his identity -- but we sure do know NEVER to vote for anyone in Texas who's wearing a cape.
ReplyDeleteP.S. -- Wanna be pen pals? That is, if you ever figure out what that is?
"I'd love to be pen pals (you may need to look that up on Wikipedia)"
ReplyDeleteWhat.an.ass. Does he hail from the school of "insult girls and hack away their self-esteem so they realize how über-cool you are in comparison"? Gross.
P.S. I second the motion: You're not a shit, but this guy sure is.
ReplyDeleteChild,
ReplyDeleteContinue your good sport with ding dongs, but please be careful not to stray too far into mean-spiritedness. This person was a piece of work, no doubt, but once again, best to let sleeping dogs lie at times.
Love, Dad
P.S.,
(Hi Monica! How's John and Tina?)